I don't want to be one of those bloggers that you don't know anything about, so I thought it would be a good idea to do a blog like this to get to know me and my background a bit. Starting from the beginning.. obviously. What is your opinion on this? It would be lovely to have some insight on things.
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This is something I literally never told anyone at all. Not even my therapist when I had one for the short time I had one in high school. When I mean I never told anyone, I mean it.
When I was little I used to have the most horrid nightmares, they would come almost nightly. And when I say horrid, I mean it. Think Saw kind of horrid. Now, I am not sure why any of these started and they probably lasted until high school. I used to say a little prayer when I would go to sleep, and a lot of the time when I said it, it would help me go to sleep and sometimes I wouldn't even dream or have nightmares. (Thankfully) This is what I used to say ;
"Dear God, please don't let me have any good dreams or bad dreams and please don't let me have any good nightmares of bad nightmares"
(Now don't go all god doesn't exists blah blah blah. I've never been really religious, but I believe that there is some type of god out there. That is beyond the point, I just don't want to hear it. Take it somewhere else)
My Sister used to make fun of me for saying it, but it really gave me some kind of peace that I more than likely wouldn't have any type of dream or nightmare. Another thing that would happen, is my nightmares would scare me bad enough I wet the bed, I wet it well into 7th grade. It was embarrassing, but you know what, it happens.
I am glad that saying that little thing would give me some kind of peace at night, thinking about it now, it's probably why I am so paranoid and honestly such a night owl. I personally don't like sleeping, if it saves me from nightmares, I wont sleep. Yes, I am 21 years old and my nightmares from when I was a child still come and scare the living shit out of me. Sometimes its better for me to just not sleep because then I will be so exhausted when it comes time to sleep that I just pass out and don't dream. I know it's not good, but that is just how my body is used to functioning honestly.
The majority of my nightmares always involved my immediate family (Mom, Dad, Sister, Brother) sometimes even my animals. There was always "bad men" in them, I never saw their faces or who they were. They always ranged in height, build, and skin color. There was always 2+ men there.
One I remember so vividly after all of these years were there were these "bad men" and they were chasing my family and I around the house and I wound up hiding somewhere. I watched them drag my sister outside screaming and kicking, now me being in elementary school, I was just a child so I didn't know what to do. I snuck outside and I saw my family, my mom, dad, brother and sister all strung up with these huge hooks through their backs, they were just hanging there outside on this line that was connected between our house and a tree. They were all almost dead and I just stood there dazed. I just wanted to drop to my knees and cry, but one of the men saw me and I ran and wound up jumping on his back and fighting him off. Don't ask me how, I just fought him off and he ran away. I hid again and watched the other guy take my Dad off the line and put him in this huge boat of ice. I got so angry and upset that I wound up fighting this man off too, there was nothing I could do for my family though. Through all of this time they had all died. That is where I woke up.
Honestly, say what you want about that, but it terrified me enough to stay with me all of these years. There are many more that I remember, but I am not going to tell them to you. One way or another they always wind up with my entire family or someone from my family dying. Its horrid. I don't know what brought them on. When I was young, I was terrified of watching scary movies. I refused to watching them. I didn't get into Horror movies until I was in High School. A few times the dreams recurred, but the majority of the time they were all different.
I am not perfect, I never was and never will be. Honestly, I am probably more emotionally fragile because of these nightmares that happened all of those years. They can really mess a person up.
Honestly. you can unfollow me, stop reading my blog, unsubscribe from my Youtube channel, but you know what, at least I am being real and not hiding things. I could have just put up some stupid post that probably didn't mean anything to anymore (not that this one probably will) but you know what, then I wouldn't be who I am. I can do more personal blog posts like this if you would like. You can all see what it is like to be me, inside of my mind and brain. I have gone through a lot in my 21 years, I know a lot of people have probably had worse problems than me, but I've hit rock bottom before and have slowly rebuilt myself up to the person I am today.
Would you all like to see more posts like this on Saturday's or should I just leave it at this? What is your opinion?
I don't want to scare you all away, but I also don't want you all to think that I am happy 100% of the time in my life and that I live a dandy bloody life. I really would love to know your opinions.
Thank you for reading this post about my nightmares and what I used to deal with as a kid. I hope you all have a lovely night, day, evening, morning, whatever time it is where you are!
Take care!
Is there anything particular you would love me to talk about one Saturday? Let me know down in the comments.
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